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 ONE TO ONE ONLINE SESSIONS, phone and Skype sessions with email support and online written and audio recordings.



Research has shown that one to one online sessions offer many advantages in comparison with face to face sessions and are as good if not more effective than face to face sessions. Let us explore why. . . . .

1 - Working on line with support from email contact, written and audio materials and telephone or Skype one to one sessions offers several advantages. We work together independently of where you live so you are able to benefit from my experience regardless of travel and location.

You can work at your own pace and for people who travel on business then we can carry on our work without interruption.

2 - Costs and time given how we eliminate my overheads and reduce cost and travel for you isn't an issue so you can work from the comfort of your home and be totally focused without stress of day time appointments and travel to and from a consulting room.

3 - Working online provides special advantages. Some people find it easier to discuss issues without another person physically present and feel comfortable in our work together from the very first of our sessions.

4 - Working with material between our sessions online or downloaded to your computer enables you to work at your OWN PACE and, as the same time, feel more engaged and committed when you can read, re-read and listen to materials focusing on key areas of our work together. Then, with email support many people I have worked with report how they found it so much easier to express lengthy or complex ideas via writing them in an email knowing that they had the time to finish the thought, review and with time and space to hear back from me.

Also, the very act of writing about one's experiences can itself provide positive keys and our exchange of emails creates both a written form to reflect back on as well as the process of journalling ones thoughts for future reflection.

It also provides me, as the counsellor, with time to reflect on thoughts, feelings and other reactions to what has been written and exchanged.



- How I work with you audio - Video (general introduction)

- How We Work Together

- Summary of Various Key Rebuilding Stages

- Making Contact for Initial Session


During my thirty five year career, specialising in loss, transition and change, I have worked with people as they journey through the natural, but crucial, stages of recovery following the end of an important relationship.

You now have an opportunity to benefit from these powerful insights in a series of sessions that focus on 'Rebuilding Your Relationship' - and all from the comfort of your home.

During our supportive work together, we will go through a multiple stage process, tailor made to your specific needs. These one to one sessions will help you break free of your old patterns in order to build a solid foundation for a strong relationships.

My series 'Rebuilding Your Relationship' will assist you in creating a new future, free from the destructive habits of your past.


Our sessions will help you discover that your feelings are entirely normal, natural and experienced by many people. You are not alone.

During our telephone sessions, you will discover the key stages of what happens when we review our relationship as partners and how to successfully navigate the alll important stages which need to be addressed.

Let us begin by taking a look at some of the stages which are important as we move through our relationship as partners.












Watch the online video recording - REPLACE with a new one




How I work with you audio introduction and discussion with Steven Warren

1     2      3    Children

Listen to the online audio recording

Virtual online sessions from the comfort of your home. I have flexible hours to help suit your schedule with some evening and weekend appointments available. Get the information and one one one support you need without the high emotional and financial cost of ending a relationship or, if you relationship has ended, then the personal and financial cost of lengthy separation.

Whether you are single or separated or thinking about ending your relationship and want to learn to have better relationships, I can provide the tools for rebuilding a life of freedom to decide what you want in your future life either together with your partner or as a single person. .

Rebuilding When Your Relationship Ends
or is Ending

Embarking on rebuilding a relationship is a powerful personal journey with one challenging step after another. For most of us, it's a difficult journey - but the rewards at the end are worth it!

Are you hurting? If you have recently ended or are considering ending a relationship, you are. Those who appear not to hurt when their relationships end have either already worked through a lot of hurt, or have yet to feel the pain. So go ahead, acknowle
dge that you're hurting. It's natural, expected, healthy, and even okay to hurt. Pain is nature's way of telling us that something in us needs to be healed, so let's get on with the healing.

There's an adjustment process after the ending of a relationship - with a beginning, an end, and specific steps of learning along the way. While you're feeling some of the pain, you're more anxious to learn how to rebuild your future life. If you are like most of us, you probably have had some destructive patterns of behaviour for years - maybe since your childhood.

Change is hard work. While you were in a loving relationship you might have been comfortable enough that you felt no need to change. But now there is that pain. What do you do? Well, you can use the pain as motivation to learn and to grow.



I work with you in a number of ways:

(1) via virtual online sessions either by phone or Skype. . .
which last for between one to one and a half hours on a regular basis according to your needs which we establish from our first exploratory online session (you will also complete a detailed questionnaire before this session which will be sent to you after you make initial contact.)

(2) regular email support. . .
to continue progress and answer questions between our sessions and a flexible session programme lasting from three to six months or up to a year or more.

(3) the focused use of online materials such as written and audio recorded material and video materials



Here on this page of my website are examples of each the crucial rebuilding steps which are part of rebuilding a relationship . You can both read the excerpts below and listen to a sample of the full audio recordings to give you an overview of how we work in a more detailed way. Once we begin working together you are sent intensive and detailed written and audio materials to prepare for our sessions together as we work through each stage.

There are three key modules or important phases we will be working on which I term:

Module or Phase One - Recovery

Module or Phase Two
- Adjustment

Module or Phase Three
- Freedom



If you are in a relationship but reviewing with your partner if it should end and both of you wish to explore rebuilding as an alternative then I will work with you both on such a goal.

Now, below on the remainder of this page of my website you review the key stages of rebuilding which are relevant to moving through the review and rebuilding of important elements which are crucially relevant to you both at this time.

You can explore these common and crucial states by following this link to the dedicated pages here on my website.


Now for a short summary of each of the various stages in rebuilding to provide you with an overview.




Some people are ready for this first step whilst others are still shocked by what has happened and cannot think beyond the day before them. Many people in my groups told me how they were waiting for their ex-partner to wake up, knock on the door and tell them that it had all been a nasty dream.

It is natural for you to feel confused and disorientated with even the simplest issue taking on untold demands and you are feeling so unlike the person you used to be. Many people tell me during this stage that :

" I feel dumfounded. I honestly thought this would never happen to me. "

In this initial stage you may be punishing yourself with statements like

" If only I had listened more; if only I hadn't
been so angry

if only...if only and the list goes on.

Through this relationship you have learned a great deal about life and about yourself and such insights are a tangible part of who you are now and your awareness. Time to explore and discuss to create a different foundation for the future.

Module One Recovery and Stage One Denial Sample Audio REDO A NEW ONE


Here is the scoreboard:

Dumpers WISH TO end the relationship

Dumpees have it ended for them

Naturally the adjustment process differs since dumpers feel more guilt and dumpees feel more rejection.

Those who reach a point where they wish to end the relationship often feel that there is no way forwards and this is the main focus of our work - to begin engaging and LISTENING even if we don't want to discuss or listen to what may be said and need to be explored.

For the
mutuals (those who jointly decide to end the relationship) the adjustment process is somewhat easier.

At this point in our work t I am going to present four key concepts that are very closely intertwined but also I should point out that it may get confusing at times. We are going to be viewing the two main people in examing a relationship drama as the dumper or the dumpee and we will be exploring the nature of two very strong feelings which accompany the trauma of a relationship possibly ending-

(1) Those who walk around in shock, lying on the ground trying to get their emotional wind back

(2) or
those walking around looking guilty and trying not to look at those on the ground.

We work through various responses and associated feelings so that you can deal with and let go of these powerful feelings of guilt and rejection to embrace the next, all important, rebuilding stage.

Module One Recovery and Stage One Guilt & Rejection Sample Audio REDO




Grief is a very important part of the process when a relationship is ending or has ended and so you need to work through these emotions in order to move on fully to the next stage. Here, initially, we will intellectually explore the stages of grief so that you become emotionally aware of grief process to enable you to do the grieving that you have been afraid to embrace and experience. We will work through this challenging process in our one to one sessions.

We are now working with one of the most difficult and emotionally draining aspects of the rebuilding process for whenever there is loss of something important in our lives we suffer grief. For death there is a set ritual with funeral, coffin and the acceptance that grieving is important. In ending a relationship there are no prescribed rituals other than a court hearing, the packing up of a home and informing friends and family that you are now single and so grief is often not acknowledged or accepted and that the death of a relationship is also a powerful cause for us to grieve.

Many forms of loss happen when a relationship ends which many people grieve over. There is the loss of a future; the sharing of a future as a couple, of love, of partner and lover and the social status of being a couple and then there is the loss of role both personally and within society and all that that communicates both to us and those around us. So for many people the loss of the relationship is as important as the loss of the partner.

Module One Recovery and Stage One Grief Sample Audio



You will feel powerful rage and feeling anger is a natural, healthy part of being human. However, anger is different from aggression which is a destructive form of expressing anger.

It is not healthy to keep your anger locked up inside and neither is it to expresses such anger aggressively. You can learn to express both your anger about your relationship along with everyday anger constructively.

Relationship anger is extreme rage, vindictiveness, and bitterness which at times seems overpowering. It is a special kind of anger that we usually have not experienced before and many of our friends may not understand it either unless they have gone through this experience themselves

You may try to keep this anger inside and not express it and this can result in reactive depression because one cause of such intense sadness is anger not being expressed. The person wishing to leave the relationship may not express it because he/she feels guilty and the person being left fears that they partner will not explore changing their mind so both are 'nice' for a while, except that they feel a lot of intensely sad thoughts and feelings.

Anger is expressed in violent ways many times. Many people, given the opportunity while they are angriest, will commit an act of violence. It is crucial at such times to be able to restrain ourselves and find more suitable methods of expressing these feelings of rage and vindictiveness. Also we can find more constructive uses of anger than destroying ourselves with depression and psychosomatic problems (headaches, body tension, ulcers, and the like.) Also, since the fires of anger can spread to other rebuilding stages, if we can work our way through this block, we will have much less trouble handling the other all important parts on our rebuilding journey.

Module One Recovery and Stage One Anger Sample Audio REDO



It is OK to feel good about yourself. Here we explore how you can learn to feel better about yourself and gain strength to help you adjust better to a crisis in your life. As you successfully adjust to this crisis, you will feel even better about yourself. For some people it as if they are experiencing a personal identify crisis, you may be seriously creating strains on your current relationship now with friends and also in the future.

" When I was a child, my father continually warned me about getting a 'big head' and becoming 'stuck on myself. Then I went to church and learned that I had been born sinful. At school it was big boys and those with the brains who got all the attention. Finally I married so there would be someone who thought I was worthwhile. It made me feel good that someone cared. But then she started to point out my faults to me. I finally reached a point where I began to believe I was truly worthless. It was then that I decided to leave the marriage." Carl

Your self concept is the skeleton which support your personality. Here we can see that when the self-concept becomes fractured, the whole personality begins to fragment.

Apparently we learn much of how we feel about ourselves at an early age from the significant people around us including our parents as well as siblings, relatives and teachers. This basic level of self-concept is later influenced by our peers especially during our impressionable teenage years. As an adult your partner becomes a primary source of validation and feedback and greatly affects your feelings of self-worth.

However for many, until they realise this all important fact, the paradox is that when the physical separation comes and a relationship is threatened with ending, self-concept hits an all-time low. When the relationship fails the identity suffers.

Module Two Adjustment and Stage Seven Exploring Self Concept Sample Audio



The support you receive from friends is very important and can shorten the time it takes to adjust to both your current and future life transitions. Friends are more valuable than your former partner at this point in the rebuilding process. You can develop friends of both sexes without becoming romantically or sexually involved with them however we need to realise how the ending a relationship is threatening to many who are in a relationship so some friends may slip away from you at this point in time.

" Maria and I had lots of friends and family around all the time. Most weekends we'd have dinner parties or go over to her sister's place, or meet locally with two or three other couples. Since we split up, none of those people ever call me or drop by. How come married people don't seem to want us around when we are single? " Paul

When we go through the process of separation some people insist on being on their own. They tend to withdraw and feel uncomfortable being around people. Then you will notice others who are continually clinging to other people as though they cannot be alone for a single minute. Always walking arm in arm they plan ahead so that they have do not have part of the journey to walk by themselves.

There are four common reasons why we separate from those friends we had when we were in a relationship:

Number one is that when we are ending a relationship you suddenly become more eligible as a future partner and may be viewed as a possible partner for one of the people in another relationship. So whereas you were formerly invited to all the parties as a couple because you were safe, now you are single you can be seen as a threat. Suddenly people are looking at you as eligible and invitations to certain friend's parties diminish accordingly.

The second reason we tend to loose friends
is that for some people those who have ended their relationship create a very polarising situation for others. Friends tend to support one or other partners thus we tend to lose the friends who have sided with our former partner.

The third reason
is probably the most important: the fear that 'If it can happen to you, it can happen to me' so the ending of your relationship is very threatening to many relationships around you and may form the basis why many such 'friends' appear to slip away. Although you may be feeling rejected quite honestly it is their problem and a reflection on them rather than on you. So, instead of feeling rejected understand that the ending of your relationship has caused them to feel very insecure.

The fourth aspect of friendship which is important to understand while you are going through ending your relationship and rebuilding is that people in committed loving relationships are considered to be part of mainstream, accepted couple orientated society and separated people become part of the single subculture, a part of society which is less acceptable to many. So to be pushed out of the acceptable mainstream culture into the 'questionable' singles subculture is a difficult adjustment.

Module Two Adjustment Recovery and Stage Eight Friendships Sample Audio



Earlier experiences are extremely influential in our life and the attitudes and feelings we develop in relationships with parents, family, friends and partners are bound to carry over into new relationships. Some of these attitudes and feelings are helpful in new relationships and others are not.

As we have explored earlier common leftover problem, even for adults, is an unresolved need to rebel against constraints such as parental rules. Recognise the valuable leftovers so you can keep and nourish them and then work at changing those which simply get in the way.

For example:

Thelma was talking about how hard it was with her former partner.

" Sometimes he sounds like his father when he criticises me and I just can't help but fly off the handle at him. It's not fair for me to do that, but I can't stop it. "

Peter reported that he grew up with a father who was always criticising him to his face but then would tell others how proud he was of his son. He decided that he wanted to be praised to his face so in choosing a partner he found a woman who he thought would give him lots of praise. After a period of time in their relationship, he realised that he had chosen a critical woman even though he had tried not to. Peter clearly stated in our session:

" I don't understand what happened- I never thought I'd choose someone like my father. "

Rick and Paul had a very respectable committed relationship, with a lifestyle very much like that of their parents. Suddenly Paul's behaviour changed. He began to associate with a younger crowd, started all kinds of activities which he had never tried before, and took more time for himself, apart from the relationship. One day he reported back to Rick that he felt :


"too confined in the relationship and that he was going to have to go off and get his head on straight."

So how much are you carrying in terms of leftovers from earlier days? You may have learned to carry extra weight in your past relationship or perhaps in your relationships with parents, other siblings, friends or others while you grew up. Time to unload those unneeded burdens. You may have thought that you left all those hang-ups behind so maybe you didn't realise they existed until a new relationship came along and then you were forced to look into your back to see what you were still carrying forward in your life.


LOVE. . . . . . . .

Many people need to relearn how to love in order to love more maturely. Your capacity to love others is based on your capacity to love yourself as I explore in The Power of Caring series. Learning to love yourself is not selfish and conceited in fact it is the most mentally healthy thing you can do. There are a number of specific steps you can take to increase your self love and connection with your true self.

Over the past thirty five years I have asked thousands of people to do this exercise in my seminars as well as one to one sessions and it normally proves a very difficult assignment for most people to do. Many people say

'' I thought I knew what love is but I guess I don't "

In fact many people feel inadequate about their definition of love. Love is like a diamond and you can view it from many different directions and there is no right or wrong way of defining it. There is only the way you feel about love.

In our society many people have stereotyped love to be something you do for somebody or to somebody. Very few people realise that love is something that should be centred within you and that the basis of loving others originates from the love you have for yourself.

A somewhat cynical definition upon which many relationships are based is:

" Love is the warm feeling that you get toward somebody who meets your neurotic needs. "

Clearly this is a definition of neediness rather than love.

Because we are not whole and complete people but have emotional deficiencies we try to fill those emotional deficits by 'loving' another person. What we lack in ourselves we hope to find in the other person in other words many of us are half people trying to love someone in order to become whole.

Module Two Adjustment and Stage Ten of Love Sample Audio



If you say you can't trust a man or woman in a relationship then you are saying more about yourself than about the man or woman. Many relationships at this stage in the rebuilding process are often attempts to heal wounds and many are transitional or short-term. So at this stage by building a basic level of trust within yourself, you can experience building a more satisfying emotionally closer and intimate relationship.

At this stage in the recovery process you may see people walk a distance from potential partners. They are like a wild animal that when someone comes close, they run for cover the minute you move toward them. These people talk about relationships a great deal of the time, and they seem to want to date and to be with potential partners. But as soon as someone makes a move toward them, they run and shout 'stay away!' Clearly they are still severely wounded by 'love'.

The ending of a relationship process can be viewed in two major steps. The first is learning to be a single person again ready to face life alone with the issues of the past cleared away. The second step is learning to love again after you have both rebuilt your emotional strength and sustained a balanced relationship with your real self so that you then ready to engage in a long term committed relationship. Clearly, if you complete the first step then step two will be easier.

Here at this stage we explore common types of relationships to examine the basis of your current as well as other relationship with parents, family and freindsso that you are clear what works and what doesn't work for you.

Module Three Freedom and Stage Eleven Trust Sample Audio REDO



So you can discover what you believe rather than what is expected of you. The great difference in attitudes is that male and female sexuality appears to be a myth. But your adjustment could be complicated by the major changes currently taking place in female, male and same sex identities.

What was your attitude to those swinging single people when you were in a relationship? Did you wonder if they were sexual athletes that they were rumored to be? And did you fantasize what it would be like to have a date with a different and exciting person each night of the week?

There are three stages in this rebuilding block. Each of these three stages of sexuality affects us personally a great deal as we go through the adjustment process and we will explore and discuss in detail during our one to one online sessions.

Module Three Freedom and Stage Twelve Sexuality Sample Audio



Most committed relationships that face ending are out of balance in terms of responsibility. One partner isover-responsible and the other was under-responsible. When couples try to change this system of interaction, it creates powerful feelings and is very demanding both personally for each in the relationship as well as a couple.

Feelings and attitudes within us keep us operating in the under-responsible or over responsible style; one may have to make some major changes to come from an adult balanced relationship view. Equal responsibility relationships are more flexible and able to adjust to stress and change and therefore are more likely to last.

In this stage our sessions focus on the different forms of relationship and ways of relating responsibility.

Module Three Freedom and Stage Thirteen Responsibility Sample Audio


Here you emphasize investment in your own personal growth rather than in relationships.

Many people never learned to be single people before they entered a committed relationship. They went from parental homes to sharing a home with their partner, never even considering that one could be happy living as a single person, and never questioned the myth that once in a committed relationship they would live a 'happy ever after life'.

Before the singleness stage, one may be looking for the 'lost half.' but during this rebuilding stage one reaches the point of comfort in going out alone. No longer is a 'date' necessary to avoid embarrassment or feeling a failure. The quality of relationships improves, since one now chooses who to go out with spending time together sharing rather than needing. Other people may be encountered and enjoyed for who they are, rather than as a potential lifetime companions.

Module Three Freedom and Stage Fourteen Singleness Sample Audio



We are now at the end of the rebuilding journey and we have arrived at FREEDOM.

By working with me through the rebuilding blocks you can now build more meaningful relationships for the future. Why? Because you have the FREEDOM to choose to either be free and happy as a single person or enter into another relationship. Freedom is being who you really are and living your life to the full.

Here we look back over the process we have worked through together and explore:

What was the most enjoyable and interesting part of the rebuilding process for you.

What was the most difficult and challenging?

Now, what was the most painful?

Now we review and identify the many changes that have taken place within you and how you have reached a place of embracing these shifts emotionally and how these experiences have been communicated to your logical conscious mind.

Many people have had considerable difficulty with one or more of the rebuilding blocks after a relationship ends. As we will have worked through the rebuilding process, overcoming each stumbling blocks, then you are able to enter into another relationship and make it more productive than the last one. You will be able to meet your own needs and the needs of your loved one(s) much better than in the past. Rebuilding not only helps you to survive the crisis, but it also enhances your future relationships.

Module Three and Stage Fifteen Freedom Sample Audio




Many people ask me about how the rebuilding stages relate to children. The process of adjustment for children is very similar to that for adults. The rebuilding stages apply to the children (as they may to other relatives such as grandparents, aunts, uncles, and close friends).

Many parents get so involved in trying to help their children work through the adjustment process that they neglect to meet their own needs.

If you're a parent who is embarking on the Rebuilding journey, I recommend that you learn to take care of yourself and work through the adjustment process. You will find that your children will tend to adjust more easily as a result. The nicest thing you can do for your child is to get your own act together. Children tend to get hung up in the same rebuilding stages as their parents, so by making progress yourself, you will be helping your children, too.

I have created special written and audio recording materials if you wish to work with me in regard to you and your children.

Children Must Rebuild Sample Audio



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